I just realized during lunch today how much I miss my dad. I 'pulled away' emotionally from my family around '83. I must of been around 16 years old. So I tried to make sense of life on my own terms, I thought I would be okay on my own....
....the ignorance of youth.
Thirteen years went by. He died in '96.
I was already used to being out there by myself, so I thought I was okay.
Life...death...it happens....you deal with it. But like most people I 'dealt with it' by not dealing with it.
Now after 13 more years, I feel kind of like a 'man-child', like Peter Pan, only life isn't near as fun. I've aged in a lot of ways, not just physically. But I find myself ill-prepared for what lies ahead as well as what I've already been through (if that makes sense or is even possible). I feel as if I've been 'weighed, measured & been found wanting'. In a spiritual sense that is true of all of us, if it wasn't, there wouldn't be any need for a Savior. But I'm speaking in the context of being a man. Sad observation at my age, yet I'm glad that I see this harsh truth that has followed me so closely behind; some never do. My questions have improved, even though, the answers remain elusive. Yet no matter the question, my response continues to be "I just don't know".
