My Friend Is A Real Payne!

A little 'play on words' w/the title that only he knows. ;O) I say that because I have a friend who continually challenges me, not really with his words or actions; although I find those to be indicative of the core issue that begets my discomfort. It is his heart. It aspires so much...and so purely. He would vehemently disagree, as I would if anyone dared to say something like that about me. But like David lamenting that he 'lived in a house made of cedar, while the Ark of The Covenant dwelt in a tent' (paraphrased), my friend 'sees' his life with such a virtuous focus on the eternal. No matter how much I learn and grow in my understanding of GOD, when we talk I am continually reminded of how 'earthly' my thinking is. But it is then I have to remind myself: Christ is the whetstone, not him; he is iron just like me. Two rough broken swords sharpening one another to return to battle, hopefully a little more prepared for the fight than before.

My friend is on my mind because he has a decision to make....and no one can help him make it, not me, not anyone. Even GOD remains silent. He stands at a precipitous worse than just the unknown, but two unknowns. A choice. One that will have ramifications affecting the rest of his life. Like the rest of us, he can't turn back, the past is gone. At this cliff, he can turn and look back at his past for instruction, but the glass wall that he must peer through is dim and opaque from his own limited human perspective. But even the path of his (as well as our own) history is uneven and full of twists and turns, so it brings him no comfort or trustworthy advice.

Still, he must choose.

As he told me his story, I struggled to grasp the enormity of what he faces. I did not have a clue. I tried to be objective, offer what insight I could....but I thought to myself: 'I got nuthin'. But that didn't keep me from trying, oh no, not me! The problem was, I couldn't (and still can't) separate the choice I would make when faced with a similar decision from what he would/should chose, so during our conversation I found myself unknowingly 'living vicariously' through him in this decision. I couldn't help myself. He saw it though, I guess it was pretty obvious. But graciously he listened, wading through my misguided uncomprehending words searching (most likely in vain) for some nugget of wisdom or insight that he hadn't thought of yet. But I take solace in that no matter what I nor anyone else could have said, it would not have helped him make his decision. What he really wanted and the one thing I could supply was simply friendship. So, like so many times he has for me, I was able to 'be there' for him. And now I realize that was all he was asking for. And I think he knew that the whole time anyway.

It is good to have a friend that understands you (at least to some degree), accepts you in all your inadequacies, does not judge and trusts you with his/her life. I guess we both can say that. That, I believe is true friendship.

Bartering With Time

 "I thought change was just a coin, a nickel or a dime, but it's what we lose and all we gain, we barter with time..." M. Radford, S.McCracken

Today I was reminded...... or maybe I first realized that I have become very much different than my family, I'm not sure which one it is. Or maybe closer to the point, I am much more different than the man I was. It's like I was on a particular track through my upbringing and  environment, then suddenly jumped off and went my own way (finally). I think that is good in a lot of ways but in others....not so much. But there has been movement, one might even call it growth.

In the past few years I've found instead of hanging pictures and setting the table, GOD has been tearing down walls and overturning tables. And the truth is, many of my walls have been reinforced w/steel beams and concrete, while I've nailed some of tables to the floor. This renovation has not been an altogether pleasant experience I assure you. Yet truth be known, I wouldn't have it any other way. Christ has been one irresistible force to me. No matter how immovable I thought myself to be, His power & patience has been much greater. During this span of time, I've experienced Him more and I have been closer to Him than all the years before, yet amidst the very same span of years I have sinned greater and more often as well. That doesn't seem to make sense. Another one of GOD's ironies, I suppose.
But that's the funny thing tonight. I think I'm feeling the effects of all this demolition, or maybe now it is the reconstruction. Whatever it is, it isn't altogether bad....actually it is very pleasant. Must be a small valley in the midst of this journey of life. A respite. Interesting. I have rarely taken the time to acknowledge the 'roses', little alone smell them. This is kind of cool.

Totally out of context, but a quote from Puck in Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream comes to mind: "Lord, what fools these mortals be!"; times like these I can find the humor in man's (my) foolishness. It's like I finally notice the proverbial 'elephant' that has been in the room the whole time. The 'elephant' being the realization of the perspective I have on .....well just about everything as opposed to either the perspective I had or the viewpoint I expected I would have. Like before, it doesn't really matter which, it is just the difference that seems so immense.

Evidently, (@ least by my FB status responses) this is common to a lot of people. My problem is that it seems like I've moved, but my family are basically the same & now I have to fight back the feeling of superiority & that despicable 'holier than thou' feeling that I cannot stand in other people. But here it sits with me like an unwanted guest. A pastor friend of Donald Miller (the author of 'Blue Like Jazz) once told him "Knowledge puffs up" when Don was talking what he believed a biblical passage he had been studying meant. Hmmmph...I think he's right, at least with me about this. Humility, the shy virtue, as B. Reynolds calls her. She quietly leaves the room whenever she's acknowledged.



Now, at midnight on Sunday, after starting this days ago, hoping for some resolution through written verbalization and maybe some feedback from a few respected peers, I find mind dwelling on other things; mostly because of a visit from a dear friend over the weekend. I'm not complaining, I'm glad actually. As with all of our conversations, he makes me think of much more eternal things and how we struggle with them within our 'flawed vessels'. I know the original issue I started out with has been placed on the 'unresolved section' within the library of my soul, but I would be remiss if I didn't listen to my muse and write what dominates my mind & heart now. But I guess that will have to be different post....

I Just Don't Know

I don't. I don't have clue.

USS Hayter DE-212

USS HAYTER DE-212

DEPARTMENT OF THE NAVY -- NAVAL HISTORICAL CENTER
805 KIDDER BREESE SE -- WASHINGTON NAVY YARD
WASHINGTON DC 20374-5060

USS Hayter DE-212
Hubert Montgomery Hayter was born in Abingdon, Va., 17 October 1901, and graduated from the Naval Academy in 1924. In the following years he served on battleship Arizona, destroyer Yarborough, and other ships, taking command of Ramsay (DM-16) in 1939. Lt. Comdr. Hayter was transferred to New Orleans 5 February 1941. and was killed during an action with Japanese forces off Savo Island 30 November 1942. Hayter was serving as damage control officer when New Orleans received a torpedo hit, and as Central Station, his battle post, filled with asphyxiating gas, he ordered all men without masks to leave the compartment, giving his own to a partially stricken seaman. After clearing the compartment of all personnel, Lt. Cmdr. Hayter was finally overcome by the fumes. For this extraordinary act of heroism, he was posthumously awarded the Navy Cross.
USS Hayter (APD-80)
ex
USS Hayter (DE-212) (1944 - 1945)

DE-212 (Destroyer Escort)
displacement 1400 tons; length 306'; beam 36'10"; draft 9'5" ; speed 24 knots; complement 186; armament 3 3-inch gins, 3 21-inch torpedo tubes, 2 depth charge tracks, 8 depth charge projectors, 1 depth charge projector (hedge hog), class Buckley)

International Radio Call Sign:
NZHB

November

Zulu

Hotel

Bravo





USS Hayter (DE-212) was launched by Charleston Navy Yard, Charleston, S.C., 11 November 1943; sponsored by Mrs. Maurine K. Hayter, widow of the namesake; and commissioned at Charleston 16 March 1944, Lt. Comdr. Harold H. Theriault in command.

Hayter departed Charleston 7 April 1944 for shakedown training off Bermuda, and subsequently was asigned to an escort division for Atlantic duty at the end of May. Between 1 June and 30 November 1944 she made three voyages to Europe, two from Norfolk to Bizerte and one from Casco, Maine, to Bizerte. During the voyages Hayter provided anti-submarine protection and transferred the division doctor to many merchant ships in the convoy needing medical assistance.

After spending the month of December in the Boston Navy Yard, Hayter sailed 2 January 1945 on a special duty in the Atlantic, with other units of Escort Division 62. Their assignment—to find and sink German submarine U-248, which had been sending vital weather reports to Axis units from the Azores area. The ships conducted several search sweeps before a HF/DF fix pointed the escorts in the right direction at 0647 on 16 January. At 0908, Hayter made a sound contact on the submarine, and after a series of five depth charge patterns lasting two hours, of which Hayter made two, "clothing, books, flesh and debris" appeared on the surface. Hayter patrolled the Azores for another week before joining a convoy screen for the voyage back to Norfolk, arriving 5 February 1945.

Departing Casco Bay 17 March, Hayter and three other escorts proceeded into the north Atlantic for anti-submarine sweeps southeast of newfoundland. The ships made a depth charge attack 18 March, but the contact was classified non-submarine. The group returned to Argentia, Newfoundland, from their second sweep on 14 April. Five days later, the group got underway for an anti-submarine barrier patrol, cruising between escort carriers Bogue and Core. On 23 April, a Grumman TBF-1 "Avenger" torpedo bomber from Bogue, piloted by Lt. William W. South, made contact with a U-boat attempting to close the aircraft carrier. He dropped depth charges, driving the U-boat underwater but the escorts could not pick up the contact.

The next morning, just after Frederick C. Davis (DE-136) reported contact on her starboard bow, a T5 homing torpedo struck that escort on the port side amidships, breaking the warship in half. As Hayter maeuvered to attack, Davis was struck by As the stricken ship settled and sank Hayter began rescue operations, and despite rough seas, sharks, and the threat of further attacks, managed to save 65 survivors and recover 12 of the 126 dead. Three of the survivors were revived by artificial respiration given by members of Hayter's crew.

In the meantime, eight other escorts closed the scene and hammered the area with active sonar, hedgehogs and depth charges. After a long, ten hour hunt, luck ran out for U-546 and a hedgehog strike from Flaherty (*) blew the U-boat to the surface. Shattered with gunfire, the U-boat quickly sank, leaving 33 survivors to be pulled out of the water.

Hayter arrived Argentia 6 May and sailed two days later for Philadelphia Navy Yard via Boston. She arrived 22 May and began her conversion to high speed transport, her designation becoming APD-80 on 1 June 1945.

Emerging as a high speed transport, Hayter departed Philadelphia 13 August 1945 for her refresher training off Guantanamo Bay. She subsequently operated out of Norfolk and Newport in training operations until 30 October, when she departed Norfolk for Jacksonville, Fla. At Jacksonville, Hayter was placed in the Reserve Fleet at Green Cove Springs, decommissioned 19 March 1946, and was later moved to the Texas group, where she remained until struck 1 December 1966.


Awards, Citations and Campaign Ribbons:
Precedence of awards is from top to bottom

American Campaign Medal

Europe-Africa-Middle East Campaign Medal

World War II Victory Medal


Fate: To South Korea 23 July 1967, renamed ROKS Chun Nam (PG-86)
stricken and scrapped in 1986.

Sources:
http://www.history.navy.mil/danfs/h4/hayter.htm
http://www.navsource.org/archives/06/212.htm
Joe Bergen USS Hayter web site

Spinning Hands

My days, as with everyone are tracked by the passage of time. Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes & seconds. But that's not how I comprehend my existence. Yes, I am trapped within time just as everyone else, bound by its laws and at least aware of its actuality, but I cannot grasp the passage of time as units of measure. I mark my 'time' on this earth with experiences. Like landmarks as indicators of where I've been, where I'm at, & where I'm going, my experiences are indicators of my lifetime.

That is why I can't tell if I have done something 2 days ago as opposed to 2 weeks ago or 2 months to 2 years ago. It is the events that 'count' my time.

Release

I see the world

Feel the chill

Which way to go

Windowsill

I see the words

on a rocking horse of time

I see the birds in the rain...

oh.....

oh.....

oh.....

oh.....

Oh dear dad

can you see me now?

I am myself

like you somehow

I'll ride the wave

where it takes me..........

I'll hold the pain...

Release me.........

Oh.....

oh.....

oh.....

oh.....

Oh dear Dad

can you see me now?

I am myself

like you somehow

I'll wait up in the dark

for you to speak to me.......

I'll open up......

Release me!

Release me!

Release me!

Release me!

Oh......

oh......

oh......

oh......

oh.....


"Release" by Pearl Jam

Fighting with GOD

"You do not truly know someone until you fight them." Seraph (a character from the "Matrix: Reloaded)

I think about how I 'see' GOD now as opposed to how I 'saw' Him 'back in the day'. And although I continue to struggle with my old views of Him fairly often, I am thankful for the GOD I have come to know. The difference is quite astounding to me. He always seemed so far removed from me, I never thought to talk to Him.

He is so much more than I can comprehend, yet with each passing year my understanding of Him continues to grow and I find that I really like this GOD of the universe. 'He loves me, this I know', but in His love....in His omniscience, He 'messes' with me; He spins my world about, He does the 'unexpected', He frustrates my plans, He makes life difficult....but it all seems to give me a better understanding of 'who' He truly is and to bring me ever closer to this 'dangerous, yet good' being. I think I have an insight now to Jacob, only I guess I must wait on my new name.