Encouraging Words

It's amazing what they can do for you. Especially especially when they come from close friends. I believe that is why I feel compelled (in a wonderful way) to encourage others so much. I know how important it is to me. I just have to remember not to seek 'man's praise' and that the encouragement I get directly from Christ is much more important. We can encourage each other, but He is the only one worthy of our praise.

To Whine Or Not To Whine

Sarcasm runs deep in my family. Not one of my more endearing traits & frankly one I despise. But I can't seem to turn it off like switch yet. I'm not wanting to withdraw, but I feel the icy tendrils pulling me back in. My emotions have been like a roller coaster, I thought I was at the brink of a small reprieve, but alas, I find myself freefalling again. I'm so tired of this. If you're still reading this you probably are too.

I long for the weekend, although it brings no respite.
As the Bard says:

"Therein lies the rub." William Shakespeare

Why do I continue?

My Thorn

We all have regrets. Everyone wishes they either hadn't said something or had said something, or hadn't done something or wish they did. But can you really regret something that brought you to the foot of the Cross knowing it was the only thing that could? Regretting it took something so hurtful, so bad, so vile, and/or so 'unlike you'; to bring you to the point of repentence is one thing, but can you regret the act (or inaction) now that you sit in His mercy seat? I think of Paul's thorn in the flesh.



2 Corinthians 12:7-8

7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.



I have a thorn deep into my very soul. I never understood how it came about, only that it will remain with me until my death. It's more than I can bear. I have pleaded thousands upon thousands of times with GOD to remove it.


What do you do with that?

Back "Where I Began"

by Caedmon's Call

The grass looked greener on the other side
so I tried to, snatch myself from Your hand.
Caught a boat to anywhere but Nineveh
and, well you know, I got spit back on dry land.
Give me purity and give me continence.
But oh no, not yet.
Like a coin hiding in the corner
trying not to be swept.
And I was trying not to be swept.
Kicking against these goads
sure did cut up my feet,
and didn't Your hands get bloody
as You washed them clean (You washed them!),

Here I am again, back where I began,
try as I may I can't get away from You.
And all of these roads lead me to roam,
bring me back home.
Here I am again, back where I began.

So You have Yourself Your ninety nine (ninety nine),
isn't that enough for You?
Still You followed me to the shadowed valley.
Carried me on Your shoulders too.
I've done the work of Sisyphus,
thinking that I could get over this hill.
But the one thing I can't get over now...(is the)
is the force of Your will.

Burnt Offerings

I started this blog as a possible creative outlet for me and more importantly (it seemed) I thought it might help others. But all the entries seem like burnt offerings.

Nothing but ashes.

Why would Christ choose me to be one of His children? I was a part of his plan before the foundation of the world.

Why did He choose me when all I do is ignore Him, demand selfish things of Him, turn my back on Him and .....even slap His face!

So many others could be or are or have already been so much better and more appreciative servants. Underachiever. Stiff-necked & hard-hearted. That's me. I am such a miserable wretched worm.....

Only the Son of GOD is capable of loving one such as me.

Am I any worse than anybody else? Probably not, but I'm no better than anyone else either. All I have is my own pathetic heart & soul. Like Rob Thomas; I'm here all the time & I can't get away from me.

Only He is worthy.

So why do I continue to kick against the goads?

It hurts so badly... so deeply.... I'm so tired. Physically, mentally.... & obviously spiritually. So tired....

But by only the Grace of GOD I will not give up, like Jacob I will continue to struggle until He heals my broken soul.

Psalm 51:1-17

1 Have mercy on me, O GOD, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.
5 For I was born a sinner—yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.
7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me—now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O GOD. Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O GOD who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you.
16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O GOD.

"Worlds Apart"

by Jars of Clay


I am the only one to blame for this

Somehow it all adds up the same

Soaring on the wings of selfish pride

I flew too high and like Icarus I collide

with a world I try so hard to leave behind

To rid myself of all but love

to give and die

to turn away and not become

another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves

more deeply than the oceans,

more abundant than the tears

of a world embracing every heartache



Can I be the one to sacrifice

or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

(to love you)

Take my world apart

(to need you)

I am on my knees

(to love you)

Take my world apart

(to need you)

Broken on my knees



All said and done

I stand alone

amongst remains of a life I should not own

It takes all I am to believe

in the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me

All I am for all you are

because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart



And I pray,

(to love you)

Take my world apart

(to need you)

I am on my knees

(to love you)

take my world apart

(to need you)

Broken on my knees



I look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

and wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remains

More and more I need you now

I owe you more each passing hour

The battle between grace and pride

I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain

and wash the feet and cleanse my pride

Take the selfish, take the weak

and all the things I cannot hide

Take the beauty, take my tears

The sin and soaked heart and make it yours

Take my world all apart

Take it now, take it now

And serve the ones that I despise

Speak the words I can't deny

Watch the world I used to love

fall to dust and thrown away

I look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

So wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remain

So steal my heart and take the pain

take the selfish, take the weak

and all the things I cannot hide

Take the beauty, take my tears

Take my world apart

take my world apart

I pray, I pray, I pray

Take my world apart



Worlds apart.