I used to seem to think I had a habit of trying to figure out what author’s were speaking of in their songs. But I have recently realized, I don’t do that at all.
I look to see what they mean to me. It should not have come as such a surprise to me, being so self-involved as I am. Nevertheless, here is what the following song means to me:
Words in Italics - “Martyrs and Thieves” – Jennifer Knapp
There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
that presses harsh hope against time.
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
who only want to rob you blind.
They steal away any sense of peace.
Sin.
I feel the pull. You do too. We all do.
We are inexorably drawn to it and sometimes we even hold on to it.
So I am anguished by the combination of my human finiteness and sinfulness with my eternal soul. That creates bitterness within my spirit when I fall short of martyring my selfish desires to Christ.
And that’s when ‘thieves’ surround me, remind me, accuse me, beat me down with my own unworthiness….
…. stealing away my peace by keeping my focus on me and not GOD.
Tho' I'm a king I'm a king on my knees.
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
as the darkness covers me.
He counts me worthy by His sacrifice on the cross. But the only time I recognize that fact is when I am on my knees.
Others may say I’m strong; somehow see Christ in me, but all I can see is the darkness of my sin.
So turn on the light and reveal all the glory.
I am not afraid.
To bear all my weakness, knowing in meekness,
I have a kingdom to gain.
Where there is peace and love in the light
in the light, I am not afraid
to let your light shine bright in my life, in my life
So on my knees I have courage I can never attain on my feet to ask Him to:
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
than I thought I had given away.
They linger in closets and under my bed
and in pictures less proudly displayed.
My past memories. Failures. Sins.
I think I left them on the altar.
Yet they either crawl back off or I pick them back up.
Or I never really offered them up to Him in the first place.
I keep them hid in deep dark closets in the recesses of my mind.
Or places where I’ve forgotten, so that can ‘hit’ me with renewed force and vigor when I least expect it.
And the others, of which I know quite well. Always looming in the darkness like a specter.
Always watching… always waiting…haunting me.
A great fool in my life I have been
have squandered 'til pallid and thin.
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
for the darkness I know I've let win.
A fool. So much time and blessings squandered. No arguments. A simple fact I can acknowledge now.
But how many times have I rejected that truth?
Knowing the truth, but refusing to repent.
A fool.
So turn on the light and reveal all the glory.
I am not afraid
to bear all my weakness, knowing in meekness,
I have a kingdom to gain.
Where there is peace and love in the lightin the light,
I am not afraid
to let your light shine bright in my life, in my life
So I’m on my knees once again for the 50 billionth time.
“Take me back O’ Lord”
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can You O’ Lord?
Do You know my anguish? My decrepit state?
Can You feel my desire for You,
in spite of my natural tendency to wander from You?
Can You hear me?
Or have I fallen too far from Grace?
Or too many times?
Or both?
I've never been much for the bearing of soul
In the presence of any man.
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
in the arms of a sinner I am.
So many years I isolated myself from those around me.
From GOD. Even from myself.
I was safe. Secure.
“I” was in control.
I was ‘in the arms of a sinner’
But those arms were my own.
No one got close. No one.
Could it be that my worth should defend
by the crimson stained grace on a hand?
Could it be true? I know it is true. But do really I believe it?
Salvation is a one-time decision. Dying to oneself is an ongoing event. Hence our daily dependence on Him. My sinfulness continues to remind me that I’m a man in need of a Savior every moment of every day.
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in your will
to reveal all of you that I can.
So turn on the light and reveal all the glory.
I am not afraid.
To bear all my weakness, knowing in meekness,
I have a kingdom to gain.
Where there is peace and love in the light
in the light, I am not afraid
to let your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Back on my knees. Receiving His Saving Grace again.
There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
that presses harsh hope against time.
And although my state of sinfulness continues to torment me,
It ultimately points me back to Him.
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