Hurt

"Manner and Means" by Caedmon's Call

The heart is a lonely thing to lose in the dead of night
The heart is a sad thing to lose in the throws of a fight
The heart is the match to the fire
And the embers of desire,
to keep it burning

I am a shell of the manner and the means
Mine is a story of nothing as it seems
But when we have come this far
And still don't know who we are,
does it keep burning?

When it's over, and you see it with your eyes
Would you rather have the truth or a lie?

I call for angels to breathe holy on this rust
I call the snakes to come and slowly from the brush
I need a massive overhaul
A revival to fall,
to keep it burning

The heart is a costly thing to sell in the prime of the years
And my heart is thinly veiled in the usual fears
The heart is the dream, and the kiss
That there could be more than this,
to keep it burning.....

It is so easy to hurt one another. At least it is easy for me. I seem to be so 'brutish' to people without even realizing it. But sadly, sometimes I do, I just don't want to face the fact that I can be that cruel. Either way I have so few people in my life that have the courage to confront me when I screw up, and I evidently screw up a lot. I have to take some responsibility in that. Obviously, I come across as 'unapproachable' to some. I know I have been in the past, and it's hard to break old habits.

With other guys it's easy, "Sorry dude, my bad".
Problem solved.

But with the 'fairer sex', that doesn't get it. Saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough, no matter how sincere I might be.

Because I can't take back what I said or did.

It hangs there over the relationship (no matter the depth of the relationship & no matter how 'insignificant' the offense).

A hurt is still a hurt.

What do I do?

I repent.

To my Savior & to the person(s) in question. Knowing that He will forgive me and hoping that they forgive me; all the while knowing, even if they do, they probably will not forget. And then trying to keep from doing it again.

Relationships are messy. And knowing I hurt someone that I care about tears at my soul. But I would rather deal with the pain of that fact than to have never experienced the joy that comes with the relationship as well.

So I am thankful to GOD that He cares so much about me that He makes me aware of these shortcomings. Even so, it is tough, I find myself 'kicking at the goads' again. But I would rather accept His correction after failing once again than to be oblivious to it.

Proverbs 3:12 (NIV)
12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

"A Thousand Miles" by Caedmon's Call

I have stolen, Lord, let me give
I have left Your house a fugitive
I have wandered in my own way
Squandered everything You gave
But my dying heart You saved and let me live

I have cursed the air and clenched my fists
I have hungered for Your righteousness
I have tried to walk the line
I drew between Your heart and mine
But You forgive me every time the mark is missed

So take my broken offering and make it whole
And set my feet upon the road that leads me home
Let me walk as one fixed upon the goal
Even though I've got a thousand miles to go

I have sought Your grace in my defense
I have plundered Your magnificence
Until my journey is complete
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
That I might sow what I have reaped
From Your great love

As I struggle for Your hand
You use me in ways I can't understand
You take this sinful man and renew me
Working through me